Personal FAQ

How long have you been with Jen for?
We starting dating July of 2005. So, 7 years this July!

How many years apart are you and Jen?
17!

How did you and Jen meet/get together?
Jen is a family friend, so she’s technically known me since I was four. Then, one day, it just happened! I knew that I was becoming very attracted to her, but I knew it wasn’t right in the sense that she was so much older than me. But, it happened.

Well, it began in the most fast way: we were all getting ready to see Crash in theaters (2005), and something just happened. I was sitting there on the couch, she walked by, we looked at each other, and we suddenly rather for each other and started kissing and touching every inch of each other that we could!

How old were you two when you got together?
I was 15 and she was 32.

Do you guys want kids?
Yes! Jen is such a kid person. I used to not like kids, but I think as I’ve grown older, I’ve changed a lot. I want to have one kid and name her Lennox. I want a girl because I want to teach her how to be an independent and kickass person in such a male dominated society.

What is the lifestyle that you guys live?
We’re in a Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship. It falls within the BDSM realm. Honestly, we’re pretty normal people. You wouldn’t know we were in a D/s relationship unless we told you.

How do you and your girlfriend communicate since your in university?
We text message at least 500 times a day, Skype, and use FaceTime. We talk everyday even if it’s for 10 minutes.

Is the BDSM aspect of your relationship purely sexual or does it manifest in your entire relationship (you as submissive and her as dominant)?
It manifests itself in our entire relationship, but not 24/7. Like, when we go out to dinner, Jen always orders. I tell her what I want and what sounds good, and she’ll order it. I can speak up for myself of course, but this is what she likes— to be in complete control of the situation.

I also wear my hair in a certain way when I’m around her. She loves it when I wear my messy bun. When I’m not around her, I’m usually not allowed to wear it that way. I’m completely fine with it. We talked about it, of course. There are many other instances as well

How is it having a partner that’s seventeen years older than you?
It’s definitely hard. It’s not 100% peachy and stuff, but it’s perfect for me. She’s 17 years older, which means she has 17 years of more experience in life than I do. She’s infinitely wiser, smarter, the works. It’s intimidating, but I have to remember that out of anyone in the world, she chose me for a reason. It’s hard to see myself as an equal at times, because we’ve always been in a mentor/mentee relationship since I was 4. Actually, she still is my mentor. She’s also my best friend. She’s everything. Sometimes, it’s hard to distinguish these roles when she is trying to teach me something.

I also feel pretty immature a lot of times. When we argue, it’s often times her starting it than me. We have lots of issues to work on for sure, but I’m trying to everyday.

Are you a lesbian or bisexual?
Nope! I am pansexual!

Pansexuality: also referred to as omnisexuality,refers to the potential for sexual attraction, sexual desire, romantic love, or emotional attraction towards persons of all gender identities and biological sexes. Self-identified pansexuals may refer to themselves as gender-blind—that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.

I think sexuality is such a fluid spectrum that it would be WRONG to be able to neatly categorize people into nice and easy labels.

Did you start losing weight because your girlfriend wanted you to, or was it a decision you made on your own?
MOST DEFINITELY NOT. Motivation to lose weight and healthy came from within. Admittedly, she was part of the reason. And that reason is, I want to live a long and healthy life so that I can be with her as long as I can. THAT IS IT. She did not tell me to lose weight or anything. She loves me for who am I, and she says as long as I’m healthy and happy, it’s all that matters.

She likes to call my belly tofu. Just saying.

Did you just decide to do BDSM stuff before? Or were you introduced to it by your gf?
We didn’t start out BDSM. To be honest, I found out I was a submissive after reading Harry Potter fanfiction. It was the most enlightening moment of my life. Everything fell into place! I, for the first time, truly understood Jen’s emotions and where they were coming from.

It was I who talked to her about it first! I was so scared. I didn’t want her to think that my childhood molestation caused me to feel this way. It was one of the best days of my life when we sat down and talked, and she agreed :)

Do your friends and family know about the bdsm part of your relationship
I have a lot of online friends that know (sometimes the intimate details because I trust them so much). But, none of my friends that share physical space with me know, nor my family.

How does your relationship work from day to day, out of the bedroom?
Since I’m away at college in another state, we skype and text EVERY DAY.

At home, this is our typical schedule:

  • We both wake up at the same time (around 6am). I pack her lunch for when she goes to work while she’s doing her hair/clothes.
  • During the day, I do my stuff: study, play with the cats, go to work, do whatever. I sometimes cook dinner when she comes home. You know, normal stuff. I either workout with or without her.
  • After dinner and stuff, we shower (lots of times together) and then we crawl into bed and watch tv and movies (Storage Wars, American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, etc).
  • By 10:30pm, we go to bed!

Do you and your girlfriend plan to get married?
We are married! Well, not my law, but she got down on her knees and gave me an eternity ring: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m26n9xp5dA1qiyzl3.jpg

Did you have any difficulty coming out? How did you first start getting into relationships with women?
Truth be told, I never came out. I guess I don’t believe in coming out because I consider myself to be pansexual. I am attracted to people’s minds and personalities then gender or looks. My parents got the picture when I posted naked pictures of Poppy Montgomery naked on my wall from this Australian magazine called Black & White. They were too afraid to say anything, but I know they are ashamed of me.

I would have been happy with a man too if the situation was right. But, Jen beat them all to it, and she was my first ever girlfriend (and still is). So, I never got to try it with men. And, the story of me and Jen…well, that was…sudden and…haha not what normally happens in a courtship :D